MAGICAL LYRICAL GIRL NANOHA: IS THIS LOLI?

"OMFG dur Hangmen is postign ein girly animu, in his manly blog?"

Wouldst' thou STFU'eth? GTFO my IP address you generic I-Love-Nartuo Weabootard who loved to flood local anime mags with pathetic Wapanese names while whoring along the 7331ness of your limited Japanese wannabe speak. gb2 your ghey Sasuke x Nartuo discussion topic in Nartuofan.com (which, BTW, was pwned by 4Chan several weeks ago thanks to its noob 9 year old Admin) and enjoy thy AIDS.

OK, for one, I'm not really into this whole magical girl (or 'mahou shoujo') crap, which can be considered a commonly encountered stereotypical anime genre or, in another way of putting it, a staple genre in animes. Just hearing someone uttering the word 'magical girl' gave me awful memories of CLAMP's ball touching, Shonen-ai filled scenes of Cardcaptor Sakura, of which I didn't even bothered to read the manga or watch the anime (heard all the EEEEVIL stuff and saw the nasty images from anime discussion boards).

Even with my chronic paranoia of the magical girl genre still triggering traumatizing effects of black & white flashbacks up to the point of this blog entry, I had, out of curiosity (due to people in 4Chan's /a/ and Waka raving about it), decided to download both seasons of Magical Lyrical Girl Nanoha (acronymed MLGN) to see for myself if this is yet another CCS in the making with horrific scenes of man-t0-man 'near coitus extremus'. And so, with Media Player Classic launched (supported by the honorable CCCP codec pack), I pressed the Player's 'PLAY' button, having anticipated everything that I had expected earlier...

... and whoa, I WAS WRONG. This is like, Cardcaptor Sakura Ver. 2.0: Badass, especially the second season, where things were changed and evolved for the better. Since the second season is where things really got me hooked, I will emphasize on it more in this entry.

So basically, the first season went something like this:

Blah blah blah an average nine year old third-grader girl named Nanoha

stumbling upon a strange looking ferret who happens to be injured blah blah [unnecessary story development] blah blah

and suddenly JESUS CHRIST IT'S A MONSTER GET IN THE CAR!

The ferret turns out to be some dude from another planet, gave sum magick item called 'Raging Heart' to Nanoha and

WHOAMG! Magick maeks loli go nekkid with transformation (Canada does not approve) und

ZING! Haxxorz Magical Gurl™! And the story goes on for the next 12 episodes.

The first season of MLGN is pretty light-hearted and straightforward with a bunch of interesting but nothing too special plot twists, so I won't write anymore than those mentioned above in this blog entry. Regardless, watch it anyway. Now, onto the second season, Magical Lyrical Girl Nanoha A's (acronymed MLGNA), where things really picks up while turning somewhat serious and heavy in a good way I had never expected.

Magical girls or NRA members? MLGNA feature 'girly' magical weapons that reloads magical cartridges like a gun. Serious bussiness.

In a nutshell, the second season goes something like this:

Blah blah blah Nanoha leading a normal carefree life after events in the first season blah blah blah

meanwhile some disabled girl suddenly awakened The Book of Big Damn Nasty Evil™ and accidentally summoning The Four Velkan Knights blah blah blah book can give user really really neat 1337 powers but requires its pages to be filled with magical soul powers blah blah and the Velkan Knights are used to gather em' blah blah Nanoha's spider sense went tingly, goes nekkid to transform,

encounters Vita, one of the Velkan Knights, fights, Raging Heart gets damaged, she and pals receive a barrage of PWNING, goes into several days of recovery and Raging Heart was repaired and received PWNcannon upgrade (see the four-panel pic above, second panel) which now accepts firearm-like magazines filled with magic bullet cartridges. Goes nekkid-transform again, and moar awesome fighting! W00t!

Watch the rest yourself, mmkay?

In case you've been fapping hard to Sasuke x Nartuo Yaoi doujin too often (or is a friggin' ten year old in anime IQ for that matter), the MLGN series caters largely towards the male audiences. It's already obvious with intense, flashy fight scenes, magical weapons with gun-like mechanism that I mentioned a hell lot, nekkid transformation sequence (lengthened in MLGNA! Also mentioned a hell lot here), lots of fanservice and most notably, 'questionable' moments between the main protagonist, Nanoha and her partner/friend, Fate. Also, this has to be the first (or perhaps one of the few) magical girl anime I've ever seen (ever?) which does not contain any freakishly tall and extremely annoying pretty boys.

ANIME SUMMARY

Description:
magical girl anime filled with lolis, clothless transformation, lots of fanservice, boobs and badass lines (refer to 'EXTRA' section below).

Pros:
lolis (banned in Canada), well done fight scenes, nekkid transformation sequence (banned in Canada as well), boobs, fanservice, episodes doesn't stretch to a bajillion filled with fillers, flashbacks, and long fight scenes.

Cons:
illegal in Canada, teeth-grindingly sweet early on, lack of George Zimmer or other references to the Internet, boobs, insufficient influence to convert an infected Nartuard back to civilization.

Total score:
290 out of 320PPS (Pedo Per Second) on a standard* scale Pedometer.

*PPS may vary slightly on a scientific scale Pedometer.

EXTRAS

Main Characters:


1. Nanoha
Speciality: main protagonist, heroine of this anime, wields Raging Heart, an otaku's wet dream.
My Take: Is this loli? Picture is Nanoha 20 years later in Season 4 (to be released 07/07/07), who is now the boss of a notorious Russian crime syndicate based in Southeast Asia.


2. Fate
Speciality: main villain in MLGN turned ally and good friend in MLGNA, wields Bardische, has a catgirl Familiar (servants created using magical powers) named Arf who also happened to have humongous jublees.
My Take: You look too old for a 'nine year old'.


3. Yuuno
Speciality: transforming his human form into a ferret, free upskirt and voyeur shots of nubile young girls while in ferret form.
My Take: Lucky bastard.


4. Hayate
Speciality: appearance in MLGNA, master of The Book of Big Damn Nasty Evil™ and the Velkan Knights, soon-to-wield Reinforce, surprisingly not emo for a disabled dying girl.
My Take: I don't think she's into Linkin Park and Myspace.


The Four Velkan Knights:


1. Signum
Speciality: wields Levantine, fights with pride and honor, sword can turn into a whip, humongous jublees.
My Take: BOOOOOOOOBS!


2. Vita
Speciality: wields Graf Eisen, extremely defensive and stubborn with her beliefs, goes beserk with a large hammer, kinda bitchy at times.
My Take: Is this loli? Wait, oh wait, what is the main focus of this anime again?


3. Shamal
Speciality: versatile in magic, healing, setting up barrier, really humongous jublees.
My Take: BOOOOOOOOOOOOBS! She deserves the extra 'O'.


4. Whats-His-Name? (er, who is he again?)
Speciality: ewww... it's a man. Half beast.
My Take: Is this furry?

Is Fate REALLY nine years old? Questionable indeed...

It took an innocent-looking 9 year old girl to utter one of the most impressively manly lines I've ever heard while most other protagonist in other animes who tend to be males turned emo.

PS: In case you are having trouble understanding all sorts of Internet speak and jargons used in this blog, please use Urban Dictionary (available on the sidebar).