I HAVE SUMMONED BOB ROSS!
The time has come.
Seven magicians known as 'Masters' will participate.
Seven Servants from seven separate classes will serve them...
Crossing swords with each other for the one and only Holy Grail.
That's... the war for the Holy Grail.
The 5 1/4 Holy Grail War has finally begun!
"I command thee...
Thou shalt come forth to my side.
Thy sword shalt control my fate.
Abiding by the Holy Grail's haven,
If thou accedest to this will and reason, then answer me.
The oath set forth here,
I am the embodiment of good in the eternal world.
I am the disposer of evil in the eternal world.
Thee, the seven heavens that bear the great trinity,
Come forth from the circle of constraint.
O, guardian of the balance!"
....
I have, without doubt, drawn the best card I could.
BEHOLD!
Servant Name: ARTISAN
True Name: Bob Ross (commonly known as "the white guy with an afro")
Gender: Male
Height & Weight: Dunno; as large and heavy as the USS Enterprise maybe
Attribute: Divine Good
Strength: EX
Endurance: EX
Agility: A-
Mana: EX
Luck: ?
Noble Phantasm: EX++
NOBLE PHANTASMS
Popular American Television Show: The Joy of Painting
Rank: EX++
Type: Support + Anti-Universe.
Similar to Archer's Reality Marble aka Innate Bounded Field, this Noble Phantasm is an extremely rare high-class type of sorcery that creates an enclosed separate reality that is a physical representation of a user's soul. Artisan's version however, features an enclosed environment with studiolights decorating the skies and a simple, minimalist background.
In his Reality Marble, lay an infinite number of blank canvas of which Artisan could exploit, in which its potential to unleash whatever Artisan desires is limited only to what Artisan could think of, and the power of an Artisan's imagination is a force to be reckoned with. Say he wanted a nice Laotian baby club sandwich topped with finely-sliced tomatoes, fresh Mexican jalapenos and finely-toasted durian seeds, he would simply use a canvas, draws it with the help of his imagination and it will materialize into physical form by itself.
If it wasn't for Artisan's uncanny ability of controlling and manipulating the strength of the Noble Phantasm the way he sees fit, the whole universe would have met a similar end as what happened on the episode finale of Space Runaway Ideon.
TRUE IDENTITY
Artisan's true identity is that of Bob Ross, the legendary Demigod and hero of ancient times who, roughly around 476AD to 1000AD, created the Dark Ages when he ran out of Titanium White paint. The man that became the myth behind the legend of the mysterious conundrum that is the star of smash hit TV show The Joy of Killing, and the happy tree painter we came to know him as, was born in 1928 to a Laotian immigrant mother, and to his father, Rambo. As witnessed by the TV show promotional photo, he definitely favored his father, more than his mother. His childhood was tumultuous, and, being raised in Laotia (the land of the Laotians), he developed an extreme distaste for their recently invented "farmed foods", and picked up the socially frowned upon, though not illegal, practice of eating whole, live, Laotian babies.
Bob's years of eating Laotian babies led, naturally, to a Hollywood TV show producer recognizing his innate acting abilities, and within a few more years, with a lot of effort, hardwork, ingenuity, and bowls of Laotian Baby Stew, Bob landed a lead acting role as the Vietnamese killing maniac, in The Joy of Killing. The producer reasoned that because of Bob's experience in Laotian Baby Eating, that he could transition easily into the role required for the part. The show became a world-wide smash hit, airing in remote sections of Africa that can only receive TV signals via prayer to God.
As his notoriety in baby-eating grew, it raised more and more concerns and condemnation from the International Community which eventually led to the creation of United Nations (UN) Resolution 3457 which forbids, barred and sanctioned Bob Ross from continuing the consumption of fresh babies. 191 out of 192 of the UN's member states gave their support for the Resolution to be passed, with the exception of Laos whom abstained due to "cultural sensitivities".
Exiled from human society, Bob Ross spent the last few years of his life in a lakeside villa built at an undisclosed location (clue: USSR), feeding on whatever that was left of yesteryear's supply of frozen Laotian babies in his meat freezer. Near the end of his life, he promised to himself to change the common negative perception on eating babies and vowed to make it legal once more. His strong will to realize his own dreams had reincarnated him as Artisan, the strongest, if not, the strongest and most obscure of all Servant classes.
COPYPASTA SAUCE (Largely Changed & Edited): Uncyclopedia
The mana-charging part won't be a problem as one can simply use a command seal and ask Artisan to ate up a bunch of emo fags with a side of lima beans and a nice cognac. Their Myspace profiles gave tremendous help in tracking them down. Hell, they hate the world and wished to die as soon as possible right? Why not make them all an hero and turn them into digestible proteins instead?
The time has come.
Seven magicians known as 'Masters' will participate.
Seven Servants from seven separate classes will serve them...
Crossing swords with each other for the one and only Holy Grail.
That's... the war for the Holy Grail.
The 5 1/4 Holy Grail War has finally begun!
"I command thee...
Thou shalt come forth to my side.
Thy sword shalt control my fate.
Abiding by the Holy Grail's haven,
If thou accedest to this will and reason, then answer me.
The oath set forth here,
I am the embodiment of good in the eternal world.
I am the disposer of evil in the eternal world.
Thee, the seven heavens that bear the great trinity,
Come forth from the circle of constraint.
O, guardian of the balance!"
....
I have, without doubt, drawn the best card I could.
BEHOLD!
Servant Name: ARTISAN
True Name: Bob Ross (commonly known as "the white guy with an afro")
Gender: Male
Height & Weight: Dunno; as large and heavy as the USS Enterprise maybe
Attribute: Divine Good
Strength: EX
Endurance: EX
Agility: A-
Mana: EX
Luck: ?
Noble Phantasm: EX++
NOBLE PHANTASMS
Popular American Television Show: The Joy of Painting
Rank: EX++
Type: Support + Anti-Universe.
Similar to Archer's Reality Marble aka Innate Bounded Field, this Noble Phantasm is an extremely rare high-class type of sorcery that creates an enclosed separate reality that is a physical representation of a user's soul. Artisan's version however, features an enclosed environment with studiolights decorating the skies and a simple, minimalist background.
In his Reality Marble, lay an infinite number of blank canvas of which Artisan could exploit, in which its potential to unleash whatever Artisan desires is limited only to what Artisan could think of, and the power of an Artisan's imagination is a force to be reckoned with. Say he wanted a nice Laotian baby club sandwich topped with finely-sliced tomatoes, fresh Mexican jalapenos and finely-toasted durian seeds, he would simply use a canvas, draws it with the help of his imagination and it will materialize into physical form by itself.
If it wasn't for Artisan's uncanny ability of controlling and manipulating the strength of the Noble Phantasm the way he sees fit, the whole universe would have met a similar end as what happened on the episode finale of Space Runaway Ideon.
TRUE IDENTITY
Artisan's true identity is that of Bob Ross, the legendary Demigod and hero of ancient times who, roughly around 476AD to 1000AD, created the Dark Ages when he ran out of Titanium White paint. The man that became the myth behind the legend of the mysterious conundrum that is the star of smash hit TV show The Joy of Killing, and the happy tree painter we came to know him as, was born in 1928 to a Laotian immigrant mother, and to his father, Rambo. As witnessed by the TV show promotional photo, he definitely favored his father, more than his mother. His childhood was tumultuous, and, being raised in Laotia (the land of the Laotians), he developed an extreme distaste for their recently invented "farmed foods", and picked up the socially frowned upon, though not illegal, practice of eating whole, live, Laotian babies.
Bob's years of eating Laotian babies led, naturally, to a Hollywood TV show producer recognizing his innate acting abilities, and within a few more years, with a lot of effort, hardwork, ingenuity, and bowls of Laotian Baby Stew, Bob landed a lead acting role as the Vietnamese killing maniac, in The Joy of Killing. The producer reasoned that because of Bob's experience in Laotian Baby Eating, that he could transition easily into the role required for the part. The show became a world-wide smash hit, airing in remote sections of Africa that can only receive TV signals via prayer to God.
As his notoriety in baby-eating grew, it raised more and more concerns and condemnation from the International Community which eventually led to the creation of United Nations (UN) Resolution 3457 which forbids, barred and sanctioned Bob Ross from continuing the consumption of fresh babies. 191 out of 192 of the UN's member states gave their support for the Resolution to be passed, with the exception of Laos whom abstained due to "cultural sensitivities".
Exiled from human society, Bob Ross spent the last few years of his life in a lakeside villa built at an undisclosed location (clue: USSR), feeding on whatever that was left of yesteryear's supply of frozen Laotian babies in his meat freezer. Near the end of his life, he promised to himself to change the common negative perception on eating babies and vowed to make it legal once more. His strong will to realize his own dreams had reincarnated him as Artisan, the strongest, if not, the strongest and most obscure of all Servant classes.
COPYPASTA SAUCE (Largely Changed & Edited): Uncyclopedia
The mana-charging part won't be a problem as one can simply use a command seal and ask Artisan to ate up a bunch of emo fags with a side of lima beans and a nice cognac. Their Myspace profiles gave tremendous help in tracking them down. Hell, they hate the world and wished to die as soon as possible right? Why not make them all an hero and turn them into digestible proteins instead?
posted by Old Hangmen at 9:37 PM
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